"stop volunteering for shit!"

Saturday, December 27, 2008

I need to rant:

I am so tired, so tired of pleasing people. Sometimes I feel like I try to please my family was too much. Mom and I drive to Dover and Tewksberry every Thanksgiving and Christmas and I'm getting tired of doing it. Driving and sleeping away is so tiring sometimes. I want to spend a holiday at home for once. Less stress I think, I don't know. I'm on the forth night right now and I really want to go home. It could be that I am feeling this way though because I am unable to sleep and just frustrated because of it.

My mom snores and I hate it.

I miss Jeff and sleeping next to him.

So yes, I think I am going to stay home for at least Thanksgiving and my mom is just going to have to go along with it, because I am the driver. I think she will agree that we are due for a holiday at home.

Please don't think that I am ungrateful for the family that I have. I love spending time with them but I also would love to have them come visit me. I can sleep in my own bed...and shower in my own shower.

I'm just tired.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

nearvous

i'm better now.
I am still stressed out about my classes because of midterms. I have four. One this morning, one tomorrow at 8am and two next week. I'm gonna study my ass off; I want to do well this semester. I am busy so much. Hopefully I will have time to go to the gym today. It really helps me get my stress and emotions out.

Birthday is soon. Can't wait to celebrate for that!

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

really low

I'm a really low point right now.
For some reason I am not able to get up for my classes. I set my alarm and either i turn it off or it just doesn't work. It is stressing me out on top of everything else that is stressing me out.

I have a lot of work for my classes that I have yet to do and also I have a quiz this week that I really need to do well on because the previous one, I didn't. I really want to do well in my classes but I am so busy all the time that it is hard to do my homework and be able to hang out with my friends. It annoys me how busy I am. It takes me a long time to do things because I get so distracted with other things.

My social life is kinda stressing me out also. There is a guy that I like and he likes me but I don't know if I want to commit myself entirely to him. I don't know if I would be entirely happy with him.
Also there is another guy that has showed interest in me and he is fun to hang out with also. We have plans to hang out, we'll have to see how that goes.
I have concluded that I am just too nice when it comes to guys. I can't make up my damn mind and I don't want to hurt anyones feelings. Like the first guy, hes cool and all, I just get frustrated sometimes when I am with him.
I need to pick what I want to do with my life, its getting late in my college career and I feel so pressured to pick and I have no idea. It makes me so anxious and stressed that sometimes I just can't think about it or i will freak out.

Friday, September 7, 2007

I guess i skipped writing in my blog over the summer. There are a few reasons. I was super busy with taking two classes at the beginning of the summer and then directly after that I worked at a summer camp until the end of the summer. I worked with 5th and 6th graders. I had so much fun! I have avoided it because I didn't think I would enjoy it but I did a lot. We went on hikes once or two times a week and played dodge ball pretty much everyday. That is a flipping good time.
I am really excited to be back at school. Even though I had a great time during the summer, I still missed my friends and my college lifestyle. I already am busy with so many things. I have 6 classes, student government, I'm an Expanding Horizons Peer Mentor, I work in the gameroom and I'm thinking of joining the Psych Club since I'm a psych major. So I'm full with things. I love it though, I love being busy all the time; keeps me on my toes.
I live in a townhouse this year, which means I have my own room and a kitchen to cook in. I only got a 5 meal plan so I will be using it frequently.
The events on campus have been great so far and so much fun! I hope the college keeps them up. The freshman this year go to everything, so everything is full with people which is great. Hopefully more people will be spending time on campus during the weekends this year.
I have so much reading this semester. I hope to keep up with it as best as possible. I'm going to try to do as much of it as possible during the weekends so I don't have to worry about it during the week because that is my busiest time.
I love meeting new people...

Monday, May 28, 2007

Paper City

I didn't really do anything this weekend.
I saw jen and we caught up on everything. We also watched Because I said so with Diane Keaton, it was cute but not the best movie.
But thats it, so different than at school, no drinking or staying up late with friends, its relaxing because I get some sleep but it also feels a little boring.
I am going to hang out with Brandon next weekend and also catch up with him and hopefully do some drinking. I miss those times in the summer where we used to get hammered and have the best of times. Hopefully we will relive that.

Honestly I have come to realize that I love being single. That small amount of sue-do relationship that I had made me think a lot when it was over. I used to be sad that I had been single for so long but now I realize why. I like being my own independent person. I rather focus my energy on school and activities that will affect my future help me in the long run. School has always been important to me but in college it has increased even more, I want to do the best I can and I think being in a relationship and its demands will steer me away from that.
So what I'm getting at is I'm not going to be looking for anything until after college. I mean if someone comes my way and I find that this person is perfect for me, I won't totally turn it down but I won't be alooking.
I'm going to have fun while I can.

Friday, May 25, 2007

summer summer

i feel really relieved right now!
i went from having no job for the summer to be totally set. I applied for a summer camp counselor position at the recreation center in Northampton of which i used to attend every summer when i was little and I got it. That doesn't start until the beginning of July. But now I'm babysitting the kids next door to me a couple days a week which is nice. It works out because they only need me for a couple of weeks and then I'm right into the counselor position and when that ends i have training for the peer mentor program at Fitchburg.
I am also taking 2 night classes right now to catch up until the end of June. So I'm quite busy during the week. I'm still unpacking my stuff from school, i hate it.
I'm looking forward to seeing friends too. I'm seeing an old friend tonight to catch up on things.
alright I'm out

Saturday, May 19, 2007

rain, rain, go away

So now i'm done with spring semester, I got a 3.0 for the semester. I could of gotten higher but i got a 2.0 in one of my classes so it brought it down. But I am so happy for what I got, i worked hard this semester and it paid off.
I start summer classes this monday. I'm taking Cultural Anthropology and Adolescent Psychology at Westfield State. They're night classes so this week I plan to try to find a part time day job. I hopefully will hear from the rec center about the camp counseler job in july.

Everything else is good, I tried a relationship, it didn't work out. We both found out we're different people that want different things and of course it wouldn't work to start a relationship this summer when we live an hour away. I'm stressed out enough anyways, I try to eliminate it as much as possible. I like being single anyways; I don't have to worry about anyone or have anyone worrying about me, I can do whatever I want and I can focus on my studies. College relationships are dumb anyways, many don't last and are never that serious.

My cousin's graduation was today! It was cold and a little rainy but not as bad as I thought it was going to be. Former presidents Bill Clinton and George H. Bush gave speeches. It was a great experiance. Bill Clinton is a great speaker and I was very impressed with his connection to the crowd. He was very inspirational, I wish our current president was even close to that, maybe more people would like him.

I love the new Tivo commercials, with the people with the anntenais, they're are so hilarious. I don't know why I find them so funny, no one else seems to think so but I love little cute commercials like that. Some commercials these days are really funny!

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Tomorrow is Spree Day at Fitchburg State College. It includes the last day of classes and lost of students drinking. It also includes state police, campus police and Fitchburg police. I definitly will be drinking that day but not seriously until after my test at 2pm. I need a good grade on this test for me to do well for my overall grade. I am retaking two previous tests and I plan to do well for those also. I'm interested to see what the campus will look tomorrow becasue last year I pretty much stayed in the whole time because it was raining. Tomorrow is supossed to be wonderful weather; with sunny skies and 84 degree weather. It will be fun to watch others be arressted for dumb things, it always happens.

I am still really excited and amazed to be a peer mentor for the Expanding Horizons program. I really wanted to be one and I am finally one. I will be able to help other people and I love that. I want to give back to what has helped me so greatly. Plus it pays so I'll have some money in my pocket for the begining of next year. I will also have jobs during the year to help my small gameroom paychecks.

I can't believe that I will be leaving here in about a week. I can't believe that in about a week, I have to pack up my stuff and put it all in my car. my room will be all white again. wow. This year has been amazing. My life has changed a lot this year too and I'm excited for more changed next year. I hope there are going to improvments too not only in my life but also at my school because there are a lot of aspects that need to be improved. There seems to be interest at SGA to improv things and I hope that everyone follows through on their interest.

As for the summer, I'm pretty excited. I'll hopefully be working and I will be taking classes in the begining. I will be very busey but it won't be any different than being at fitchburg. It will be sad, being away from my friends. I'll be missing them a lot but I hopefully will be visiting them during the summer. I'm going to be visiting marissa at fitchburg a lot because i will miss her and the school. I'm excited to see the changes that are going to be happening at the school before the fall.

Thursday, May 3, 2007

13 days left

I found out today that I got the job as a peer mentor for Expanding Horizons at my school. I am so excited! I will be mentoring about 30 incoming freshman and transfers. I wanted this job really bad because I get to come to school early in the fall, I get paid for that and there are events during the year that i will be required to go to but I will be paid while at them! It is going to be a great experiance and it will also look great on my resumae. YAY!

I had my first final today for my Intro to Human Services class, I studied hard for it and the test itself wasn't that hard. I hope i did well because the questions felt easy. Maybe I will be wrong but I hope not , i need a good GPA this semester to continuingly bring my overal GPA up. The only thing I have left to do in that class is the 6 hours for practicum on saturday and have my supervisor fill out the papers. I was concerned that I wouldn't finish my practicum on time.

I'm going home right after the practicum on saturday to pretty much bring half of my stuff home, maybe more if there is room in my car. Last year I was very close to not being able to fit everything in my car. The whole ride home, I couldn't see out my back window. SO, i plann to not have that happen this year.

Everything else is going fine, everyone is starting to get agitated with each other; people are tired and stressed out so no one wants to deal with one another's crap. I plann to drink some tonight to releave some stress. I am also going to get some work done before I go out or start drinking.

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Its official, i'm in a relationship and I'm happy!

Semester is almost over, which means going home :(
but seeing my mom is nice and i'll be working and taking two classes.
Next semester will be amazing!
This summer will be amazing. It will be hard to, not seeing nate as much as i will want to. We'll figure it out!

I want to go rollerskating!

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

honestly the whole big girl pill thing is getting really old
and annoying

i'm kinda tired of it.
Hey hey hey
I have my interview today, well in less than half an hour and i'm a little nearvous. It is for a position called a peer mentor for the expanding horizons program. It is like an orientation leader but less time consuming. I think i'll do alright, i just really want the job next year!

Also Transitional dinner is tonight. I'm excited. Last year was great. It's where you transition from your old position to the new positions on Student Government. You get a gift reflecting your past year. Last year I got a mini toy tow truck because my car got towed twice last year.

Its nice out also right now. This day is going to fun, i already can feel it. :)

Friday, April 20, 2007

TEN FAVORITES:
01. show – Gilmore Girls
02. flower - lilacs are pretty
03. color - blue
04. sport - meh
05. mall – holyoke
06. music – today/yesterday - the beach boys
07. food – salad with lots of vegies
08. season - late spring early summer
09. day - friday
10. person - ma

TEN FACTS ABOUT YOU:
01. hometown – Northampton
02. hair color - dirty blonde
03. hair length – its getting pretty long
04. hair style - some side bangs, the rest of my hair is all one length
05. eye color - blue
06. shoe size - 7 1/2
07. mood - a little annoyed but excited to go to the movies w/ jen
08. smell – wood burning
09. watching- no tv
10. eating- soo hungry!

TEN THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE:
01. have you ever been in love- nope
02. do you believe in love - it exists
03. why did your last relationship fail – it was dumb
04. have you ever been heartbroken – yes
05. have you ever broken someone's heart – don't think so
06. have you ever fallen for one of your best friends- nope
07. have you ever liked someone but never told them - yep
08. are you afraid of commitment - unsure
09. have you ever had a secret admirer – nope
10. do you believe in love at first sight – thats bullshit

TEN THINGS: THIS OR THAT:
01. love or money - half and half
02. hard liquor or beer - beer
04. one night stands or relationship - lets go with a happy medium....friends w/ benefits. haha i'd like a relationship
05. television or internet - internet
06. pepsi or coke – neither
07. wild night out or romantic night in- wild
08. colored or black and white pictures - colored
09. phone or in person - in person
10. aim or myspace - aim

TEN HAVE YOU EVERS:
01. have you ever been caught sneaking out- yep
02. have you ever skinny dipped - yep..a while back
03. have you ever done something you regret - i try to not regret anything
04. have you ever bungee jumped – nope
05. have you ever been on a house boat – nope
06. have you ever finished an entire jaw breaker -not the true ones
07. have you ever wanted someone so badly it hurt – yep
08. have you ever been streaking- not fully
09. have you ever ran away - nope
10. have you ever wanted to sleep in a mall - nope, thats dumb

TEN EMOTIONS/FACTS:
01. are you missing someone - yea, i miss my ma
02. are you happy? pretty much
03. are you talking to anyone right now on aim? no
04. are you bored - yes, i only do these type of things when i am bored
05. are you German - yes
06. are you Irish – yes
07. are you Japanese - no
08. are you Italian- no
09. are your parents still married – no
10. do you like someone right now- hmmmmmmm

Thursday, April 19, 2007

It was so nice today. I'm so glad that it is not raining any more and it is sunny. It is supossed to get even better which is amazing.
Honors Convocation was today and I got a SGA scholorship! yay. Imediatly after, maria, eric and I went to Framingham to the SAC meeting. It was long but I liked it because I got to know more about what is going on in other colleges in massachusetts.
We talked to the SGA president of Mount Wachusett. We're probably going to something with their SGA next year. I'm excited for that.

Going to bed soon, gonna try to get some sleep tonight so i can be good tomorrow for class/work/commitee meeting. I wanted to go out tonight but I wouldn't enjoy it as much as I could of because i'm so tired. I need a decent amount of sleep. I'm going to hit the hay very soon. Probably going to sleep in marissa's room because jen needs to write a paper tonight and i want to give her as little distraction as possible.

I want to go to the movies!

Sunday, April 15, 2007

I'm currently home for the weekend. It so different, I haven't been home in a while. I do like it though because I can pretty much do what I want, sleep in until whenever because no one is around. I do only live with my mom, she makes me some fine scrambled eggs for breakfast. well it is lunch time but its breakfast for me.

Oh and friday I hung out with brandon. His friend Drew came from boston and we went to a show in Amherst. Came back to my house and went to bed, we all were pretty tired.

Yesterday my mom hung out; we went shopping at the mall, got me some new clothes. I got some awesome new shoes, their definitly phat. We went to faces also. I love going there and seeing all the new stuff that they have. It is just a great place to window shop, they have so many interesting things to look at/play with. I got some sunglasses and a cute head band. So after all this shopping, we went to Spoleto Express, of course. I got my usual plus some gorgonzola bread to take home for later. That restaurant is amazing. The food is so good and they make it so quick. THEN mom and I went to see the reaping. It sounded like a good movie but it was ok. A lot of it was about the bible, and I don't know much about it so I was confused. I wouldn't say it was a good movie either. It was a good day though hanging out with my mom.

WHY IS IT SNOWING?!?!?!?!

Monday, April 9, 2007

smile

Went to Marissa's for easter. It was fun. I got to meet her whole family! I got to see Vow and everyone. She didn't make any cookies ;( but it was quite alright because there was so much desert. It was so cold that day, i had flip flops on and my feets were cold.

I've been so busey lately that its kinda been frusterating. I haven't much time to just chill and do nothing. I have to make time for things like that. Elections are this week and maria is running for SGA president against Juan and its really intense. By the end of this week, we will find out who will be president. People could be really happy or frusterated depending on who wins. We'll see what happens. I also have to register for classes this week and I don't even have all my classes picked out because one of the classes that I picked was cancelled.
I am going home this weekend. I am excited for that. I get to see brandon, my mom and maybe yajaira. I haven't seen my mom in a long time. So this will be exciting.

There's a boy. I'm having fun. I like hanging out with him a lot. We'll see how this goes also. It makes me smile. :)

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

ah haha

SO last night was hilarious!!!!

I got back from studying in the library around 10:30. I got some posters from hammond and planned to make some election posters. But then I got high...(Afro man..haha). I didn't need anything to feel it. Damn. Marissa and Maria were both laughing up a storm. I was trying to make a poster and that was just not happening. I was really having a hard time thinking of what to do, so i ended up just giving up.
So while we were having a great time, we decided to go to the radio station to visit beardy. Maria doesn't want to go so after I get a bowl of cheerios and raisins, Marissa and I start walking to Thompson. The walk was cold and we saw loud drunk people on the way. We get there fine.
The radio station room was filled with all these amazing drawings and sayings. It was interesting. I decide to call Maria on the room phone and she tells me that she was just listening and could hear us in the background. She then tells me that she is going to leave in a few minutes and join us, but told me to not tell marissa. I say ok and hang up. Tom, Tim and Even come back from store 24 and sit down to eat with their computers.
Time flys by and no maria, so then i get a little scared, because it is late and there are some creepy people in fitchburg. So go to the next room and call her and she picks up and said she is going to leave now. I guess she was spacing out or something.
Maria shows up, Marissa is suprised and then matt plays a song that he played last week that I had liked. The song is so happy and upbeat. I love it. This night is amazing. Then Matt's radio shift ends and we all start to leave. The boys head towards Russell and we start walking towards Mara. On the way, Marissa pulls out one of Maria's condoms that she found was a little open, Maria takes it, spits on it and places it on a funny location on campus. I was laughing so hard, my abs hurt.
She then takes out some anger that we all have on our matainence guy and takes the mop near the front door and sticks it on the first floor bathroom door. That also make me laugh pretty hard.
Then the night ended and we all went to bed...with a smile.

I was good to have a fun night since I have been stressed so much lately. I have tons to do tonight, study, study, study.

Thursday, March 29, 2007

NyQuil rocks

So I'm running for Vice President of my class('09) and i just assumed that no one was going to run against me because I hadn't heard from anyone that there was. But today I found out that someone who has never even been on SGA is going to run for Vice Pres of '09 also. This adds to my stress level a little bit. I'm gonna start making posters and such this weekend. I'm going really try for this because I think i should win this position and if i don't, i won't be on SGA next year because someone is running for a '09 position next year. My plan to put up posters all over campus and make my name be known.

I'm getting better also. Not much coughing and not much runny nose either. I'm still not 100% but this is a lot better than i was a few days ago. Thank you NyQuil.

I'm dropping a class tomorrow. It requires a practicum that needs to be completed by the end of april and I won't be able to do that; it will cause too much stress. It doesn't fill any requirements, it is an intro class and I just wanted to see if I wanted to change to that major. I don't so I'm just going to drop it to prevent more stress about the practicum.

Other than school, things are fine.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Yup, I'm sick.
Got the cough, runny, blocked ears, congested. all around, sick.
It glorious, but really not. I've been sleeping a lot in the last few days because I want to get better as soon as possible.

So the other night, i think it was Friday, my suite mates had some people over for a little Reunion so i joined them in some drinking. I ended up having a heated argument with one of the guys about abortion. Which is never a good idea because it can get very emotional. Which it did. This had started a few days before where he brought it up just randomly. This kid likes to get a rise out of people, i don't understand it, and it pisses me off. So back to the argument, we were both drunk and were set in our ways and he wasn't listening to me at all, and this argument wasn't going anywhere so i left the room, slammed the door, went to my room and slammed that door too. I've decided to just not bring up this subject again with him. I can't avoid him at all because he is in my group of friends and he is in clubs that I am in also. I don't hate him or anything, i just hate his views on some things.

once i am not sick anymore, i have to visit that gym more, gotta get some exercise. I've felt like a bum lately.

Saturday, March 24, 2007

confused